How I Would Have Done Spiderman 3
Spiderman 3 deserved to be the perfect ending to a perfect trilogy. Instead, it was objectively the worst Spiderman movie. And I would have done it better!
Everyone knows I love hockey, but I also love comics. Mostly Marvel, though I love Aquaman, Wonder Woman, and Batman from DC Comics. I miss writing, so I’m going to start writing about other things than just hockey and other sports. Inspired by a Youtube personality, I’m going to start “fantasy writing” movies.
Before I start, that inspiration is Adam from What Culture and partsFUNknown. He focuses on professional wrestling. Adam’s shtick is fantasy booking. He does it better than everyone else. He takes famous and failed booking decisions/storylines and makes them better. And they are brilliant.
My first project? Spiderman 3. When I was thinking of this series and what movies I wanted to “fix”, it was the first movie that came to mind. That’s because it had the potential to be so great. It deserved to be great. Tom Holland is lovely and has done a wonderful job with Spiderman, but Tobey McGuire will always be the best Spiderman to me.
Spiderman 3 was Tobey’s last movie as Spiderman. It should have been great. But it was not. In fact, it was probably the worst Spiderman movie. Which is alright compared to other movies, but considering the massive expectations fans had for the end of the Spiderman trilogy, it was a huge disappointment.
Sam Raimi’s name will always draw ire from me because he ruined what should have been a perfect ending to a perfect trilogy. We could be talking about Raimi’s Spiderman trilogy in the same breath as Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight trilogy. But instead, we talk about how incredible the first two movies were and how utterly forgettable Spiderman 3 was.
Guess what? I’m going to give everyone the final Tobey McGuire Spiderman movie they expected. Here’s how I would have done Spiderman 3.
What Went Wrong
First, let’s look at what was wrong with Spiderman 3.
Too many enemies and storylines
The ending was awful
To make Spiderman 3 the legendary movie it should have been, we need to fix those two main problems.
By the way, if you haven’t seen Spiderman 3, I’m going to be talking in depth about the movie, so…
SPOILER WARNING
Now, with that out of the way, let’s fix Spiderman 3!
Too Many Enemies And Storylines
Peter Parker faces four villains in Spiderman 3.
Harry Osborn, who wants to murder his former best friend Peter Parker after he got engaged to Mary Jane and murdered his father. Also, keep in mind Harry’s completely batshit INSANE.
Flint Marko, AKA Sandman. Marko is Uncle Ben’s true killer.
A extraterrestrial symbiote who eventually turns Peter Parker into emo evil Spiderman and eventually turns rival photographer Eddie Brock, who Parker gets fired, into Venom.
Himself. Peter spends roughly half the movie under the control of the symbiote. We get a hilariously emo, evil Peter Parker, but other than that, not much else came from it.
That’s 1.5 villains too many. Let’s scrap Venom/Eddie Brock. The storyline was weak and was never a fit with the movie anyway. As funny as emo Peter Parker was, we can live without him. This leaves us with two real villains (Sandman and Osborn), plus a hypothetical one (Peter Parker).
Marko was honestly the best part of Spiderman 3. His backstory is deep, yet he doesn’t get much screen time. Parker eventually forgives Marko at the end after realizing Marko sincerely regretted his actions. It’s a nice way for Parker to come to terms with Uncle Ben’s death. It’s also a great way to show how much Parker has matured. Too bad the movie spent almost no time with that storyline. I’m a sucker for a heartwarming ending, so let’s keep everything about that storyline and build on it.
Peter can also fight himself. He has a very troubled past and he constantly battles with his desire to be with Mary Jane and his desire to be Spiderman. That’s a great storyline and it ties in nicely with the Marko’s storyline.
Harry Osborn is the new central villain of the film. Think about what made the first two movies of the trilogy so great. It was because they had freaking awesome villains. Norman Osborne was deliciously psychotic and evil. Doctor Octopus was the quintessential sympathetic villain. Otto Octavius (AKA Doctor Octopus) didn’t want to be evil, but he lost control of himself and allowed the robotic tentacle arms to take over him. By the end of Spiderman 2, you sympathized with Otto Octavius.
Spiderman 3 never had a central villain because it had too many villains and the closest thing to a central villain WOUND UP SIDING WITH SPIDERMAN. It was the Brock Lesnar ending The Undertaker’s streak of movies. Sure, it was shocking! But it made no sense and it could have been done so much better.
The Ending Was Awful
Spiderman 3 had the potential to have a great ending, but it didn’t. As I mentioned earlier, the redemption and forgiveness arc worked well with Marko and Spiderman. But because Spiderman had to fight two villains in the third movie, he was overmatched.
The movie’s solution to this was blasphemy - Harry Osborn realized how evil his dad was, so he joined forces with the guy who killed his dad AND stole the love of his life. He even sacrifices himself for Peter!
It’s touching, but it SUCKED. There’s no chance in hell Harry Osborn would sacrifice himself for Peter. It made no sense. So I’m going to go a whole different direction with the ending.
Sandman is a viable, strong enemy. It’s not out of the question Spiderman would have trouble with him. After all, the two had several epic battles in the comics. So why not make Sandman the ultra scary bad ass villain he should be? Make him strong enough to take on Spiderman.
For the first part of the battle between Sandman and Spiderman, things are even. Then Sandman grabs the upper hand and looks like he’s about to kill Spiderman. That’s when Harry shocks everyone by arriving in his Goblin gear and helps Spiderman defeat (but not kill) Sandman. Remember, we’ve got a redemption storyline to milk!
Peter and Harry take off their masks and look at each other. They nod, seemingly forgiving each other for what they’ve done. Peter goes over to Harry and extends his hand. Harry takes it… and tosses Spiderman off a building.
Harry screams, “No! It does NOT get to end like this!” Peter is, of course, confused because Peter Parker is perpetually confused. He asks, “But… why’d you help me?” Harry yells, “Because Flint Marko doesn’t get to kill you. Not on my watch. I’M the only one who gets to kill you! It’s time for you to pay for what you’ve done. You’ve taken everything I love and destroyed it! Mary Jane! My father! My life! And now I’m going to take everything YOU love and destroy it! And then I’ll do what I should have done a long time ago - kill you.”
Harry proceeds to grab Mary Jane and takes off on his glider. Peter follows Harry to the same abandoned building Norman Osborn died in the first movie. Spiderman and the New Goblin (Osborn) have an epic fight. Anytime either starts to get the upper hand, the other counters.
Eventually, the New Goblin is about to kill Spiderman. He has him restrained. Harry takes off his mask and has an evil grin on his face. He says, “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do this”.
But then…. the ground starts rumbling. Sandman arrives and frees Spiderman. Marko explains how Uncle Ben’s death has haunted him every day and he apologizes. Parker forgives him, but asks Marko to stay out of the fight. He says, “I appreciate your support, but this is a fight I’ve got to win myself.” Marko says he understands, wishes Peter the best of luck, and goes off to be reunited with his family.
The fight continues. Eventually, the Goblin is defeated. Parker checks on his former best friend. It’s at this point we got our second redemption arc. Osborn is mortally wounded and he knows he’s going to die. Parker and Osborn forgive each other. Finally, Spiderman has defeated his past. He has come to terms with who he is, for better or for worse. Parker is a man who has learned how to balance the lives of Peter Parker and Spiderman.
The End Result
I have addressed the major reasons Spiderman 3 was merely alright instead of terrific. Instead of too many villains, now there’s finally a central villain (New Goblin) we can build a strong storyline around. Yes, you can build a strong storyline around the relationship between Harry and Peter because that relationship is such an important part of the first two movies. And there’s also one heck of a secondary villain (Sandman) who can have his own mini-storyline.
In short, I have made Spiderman 3 the ending to a perfect trilogy. What do you think? Did I make it better? Did I really screw up? Do you think I’m a rambling idiot? Let me know in the comments! Also, I’m open to suggestions for other movies you’d like to see me fix. So feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments!